The Bottle Collectors

The Bottle Collectors

 

C’mon now, you know it. Admit it. Been there had a soda, bag of chips, even bought the T-Shirt. Survival is survival man. Show your true colors, those that show your want-determination.

It’s like a rite of passage here in Maine. Maybe so in other states but we Mainers are always on the lookout for some extra income so experts many have become.

By the time you are eight years of age you have become well versed in the art. The rules/procedures have been memorized, reflexes finely tuned, eyes of a hawk darting back and forth searching for prey, your brow knitted with determination. Time has come to put your training to use.

 

Keep in mind it’s a relatively short season, what season isn’t here in Maine but winter, so it’s imperative to get the system memorized as quickly as possible so you can be profitable to your family.

 

The career of The Bottle Collector is a short eight years maybe seven. Most don’t w3ant to be seen collecting after the age of sixteen but Collecting has evolved quite a bit and will continue to do so. Go into any home in Maine and you will see a garbage can for cans/bottles only, or a cardboard box, or a trash bag, some kind of container specifically for returnables and nothing else. Ours is a plastic bag on a hook in our kitchen. You know those plastic bags you get your groceries in…..And God forbid if anything else other than returnables enters that bag! I remember accidentally putting a non returnable in that bag. I’m still scared and that was 20 years ago!

I take off about 7-7:30 every night for a cup of coffee at a local Micky D’s, listen to the ballgame, just get out of the house , get some air. May look like a pervert in the parking lot but I really don’t care now. People have seen me there and I’m accepted. Even bring my own sugar now, that raw stuff or non bleached. Trying to get away from processed anything.

There has been this older guy, guessing mid sixties early seventies, emptying out trash barrels, rummaging thru dumpsters looking for bottles. So it has evolved or you can say maybe this gut just added a few lines to his resume.

 

I remember the first time I saw him. As a matter of fact I locked all my doors because he looked like a Neanderthal type looking for someone to pound on. Anyways he checked every garbage can and their three dumpsters and then stood at the exit to the drive thru and held up his bag of bottles to every car that went by. He then saw me in the lot and started walking over. He must have knew I wanted to be gone because he walked right behind my car so I couldn’t back up., another sign of returnable evolution and that Maine determination.

 

He knocked on my window and of course their was really no way out for me so I found a bottle rolling around on the floor. Now I keep a plastic bag in my car and put all the returnables in their. My window was down one day and he told me he doesn’t collect for himself, he collects to buy his cats food. He says if he doesn’t they will die. I don’t care the reason brother, we all need to survive. Getting worried about him though, haven’t seen him in a month. Maybe it’s all this rain we been getting. My kids came down today so I gave them up. They were starting to stink up my car. Generation to generation.

 

Bottle Collecting is without a doubt an art form. You watch ESPN or read the paper and you hear about the quickness of Kobe or speed of Lebron or the strength of Ortiz. The3se reporters don’t know what quickness is until they witness this yearly event.

 

Bottle Collecting can be accomplished with a minimum of two people but three is expected whereas four is optimum. I have seen it done with two but believe you me it’s not pretty.

 

A map of the surrounding towns is crucial. You need a great knowledge of all back roads everywhere if you plan on making a few dollars. An experienced collector may know the area well however what if divorce or cheating or whatever takes him/her away from the family. So it is imperative to keep a current map in your glove box at all times.

 

In a perfect world the ‘posse’ would appear this way. Four people, two of which are the parents or those in charge (this is Maine remember where everyone doesn’t have parents).

 

The front seat, a bench, is manned by the oldest two with the two youngest in back on each side of the car with the doors unlocked. Speed is the determining factor so its not important whether it be girl-girl, boy-girl, or boy-boy.

The driver usually stays at a constant speed of say five maybe 10 miles an hour although I have seen the more experienced reach speeds of 20 MPH. He/she must ensure the washer fluid tank is full before taking off.  Reason being the back roads are usually are usually not paved and this occurs in the spring and summer so the windshield can get pretty greasy thus reducing the all important visibility.

 

Collecting usually occurs on a Sunday morning between 8am and 11am. Some do a Saturday or better yet both. I personally prefer Sunday because my observations tell me more people go out on Saturdays. People got that weekend feeling thus they drink more thus more bucks.

 

All windows are usually left down in the car for better communication and that all important and crucial view.  If your head is out the window sighting a bottle it is important for the gatherer to understand him completely. If all the windows are open there is no issue, plus usually the windows in an older Maine Sedan after a Friday night, not to mention the eyes, are not the clearest.

 

The two in the front may have a bottle of Pepsi apiece and something to munch on, Doritos. Or can of Pringles left over from last night. They deserve these luxuries. They too at one time were in the back. Also the ashtray may have a couple of roaches of the mood strikes (and it probably will).

 

“Left!” screams the driver and like a the back left child was sitting in a minefield the seat empties and makes a beeline to the ditch to retrieve that elusive bounty  that he has been training for. Quickly he snatches the bounty and does a quick head turn in case the driver neglected to call one out.

Bounding back to the still moving vehicle, he deftly raises the trunk lid which was partially and purposely left open. In a blur of constant movement the bounty is tossed in the trunk, the back door is swung open and he plants his butt in the vacant seat, ready to strike again.

 

That my friends is the art of Bottle Collecting and yes it is an art. If both youngsters I n the back seat are busy and the passenger jumps from time to time and 6-7 towns are canvassed you can clear $40 a week.

 

Many variables come into play here, perhaps bringing more profit if done correctly. The number of towns canvassed, the other collectors existence, the length of the roads, Saturday Sunday or both. Hell I’ve seen so many bottles that sometimes the car slows down to5 MPH and the kids rarely see the back if at all.

 

You don’t see a lot of this anymore maybe too proud. Don’t know. Guess that’s an indication of evolution. Perhaps, with our economy, it needs to make resurgence

  

Don’t put me on hold

Spring has got to be my favorite time of the year, but leaning some towards Fall as well. One of my fondest memories of spring was when I was in the USAF.  We all (about 25 of us) got together during time at Davis-Mothan AFB in Tuscan Az. We took off and went to a minor league game. Tucson Toro’s against someone-can’t remember- Gary Sheffield  for the other team. Standing there at 9 o’clock at night on the players runway, beer in one hand cigar in the other, 73 degrees-THIS MUST BE HEAVEN MAN!

 

Beer was in these plastic giveaway cups and this girl who was with us decided to collect and save all the cups, hers and everyone else’s. Jesus-she must have had like 80 of ‘em. Of course some thought it was cute so we drank more.

 

Remember the bump signs Johnny? Spring of 1882 or thereabouts. Best friend was who we called Johnny Rotten. He wasn’t really rotten it’s just that Neil young’s tune (“…..this is the story of Johnny Rotten”….not the title but a righteous tune) was pretty popular.

 

So me and my GF (wife to be) got in one car, and he and his GF (wife to be and still is) my Dad was Justice of the Peace so he married them free of charge…..anyways…..they  got in another and we started at opposite sides of the town. Richmond is not to big so we were like five miles apart.

 

In Maine and I assume other Eastern States, during springtime the State puts up these signs that are in fluorescent orange about 500 feet from spots where  frost heaves cause huge bumps and holes, You  got to pay attention to these or you could bottom out very easily.

 

So we both started at the same time and were racing to see who could get the most ‘Bump signs.’ Lori and I won, 17-13. No prize we just wanted to do it.

Ride around and get stoned. Priceless.

 

So we met up at Mickey D’s when we got done and figured we would all get an ice cream. We all jumped in my car (actually my Dads) and flew down the road, never been so stoned!

 

The place we were going to is now a gas station and a motor mall(where they sell cars) but back then it was an ice cream place with batting cages out back and a huge dirt area you travel on first before you get to the store.

 

We all get our ice creams (they were all cones) and jumped back in the car. I got behind the wheel and started to pick up speed before we got on the main road. Well, we were going about 30 MPH when Elena’s door opens (Johns GF) and she rolls out of the car! I could have sworn she was dead-no-one could talk, but as I was slammed on the breaks Elena kept rolling and she rolled right back into the car ice cream and all! Priceless. Away we went.

More snow than we have seen in years here. I can remember when a nor’easter meant you were going to get belted with a foot plus of snow, not this pansy 4 -5”. Snow banks on the side of roads 10” or higher with holes in each side where kids have started to tunnel.

I was talking to a buddy the other day who does remodeling all year long but it cuts down lots come winter so he plows driveways. He made over $12,000 from November to March.

 

These are some of the people I grew up with, some of the best memories. Can anyone ever really their fondest moments? Can we ever get back to where we were? Where we want to be?

 

I have heard it said many times  you are born to die, Its sometimes sad to think that every day I live is a day closer to death.  “…better to burn out than fade away.”(Neil Young)

 

Went to college from 1983-1987, going for a B.A. in Social Sciences. The college didn’t have the degree at the time but they had a lot of satellites so they told me to take certain classes and when it was time graduate they would export the degree.

They couldn’t and I earned 124 credits. I was NOT happy. I needed a job, had a wife then and a kid and another on the way. So I packed my bags, flipped ‘em off and enlisted in the USAF.

 

So here I am. No degree, disabled, no job, getting older (44), living with my parents. What a life.

Who was going to reverse where I was? Who was going to set me back on the path? Can someone who is disabled now get back to where they were?

 

Many say there is no way. I see disability everyday sometimes all day. My dad has this and is in a wheelchair. My brother has this and a head injury to boot. My sister has this. And then there is me.

I can go to doctor after doctor, have MRI’s, loads of blood work, medications. But ask yourself this as I did, what in reality will it do?

No doctor ever told me to work out, but yet I do 3-4 times a week. Every day someone pats me on the back and tells me what an inspiration I am. I take a look around the Gym between sets and I see people looking at me, watching me, observing. If these people looked at me like that five years ago I would have not been very nice at all-probably would have been arrested for battery. Now I just don’t care. Looking at me for motivation, for form, inspiration makes me work so much harder. I love being a role model.

I’m like the mailman. Snow, sleet, or rain I will be there for the last 2 years and lots more coming. You see teens or young adults that skip there workouts because their muscles hurt, or its snowing, or its too nice out to be inside. I will be there, no matter what.

 

I have kind of pushed my workouts to the back burner slightly, but going to pick them up real soon with much more vigor. I have a new GF in Old Town (Yes me!!!), and I went back to college this summer so I got real busy.

Summer semesters are real busy. Two semesters in the summer about 7 weeks per. So they really need to get the information out. I took one class. Cultural Anthropology and received one of the highest grades I have received for a course, B+. Pretty good I ( say for a guy who has been out of school for 26 years. I have five more classes to go to get my B.A. in Liberal Studies with a minor in Behavioral Studies. Planning to take two courses in the Fall. Two in the Spring and the final one in the Summer of 2010 meaning I ‘m going to walk to Pomp and Circumstance again in June of 2011. You’re invited!

 

So let’s see. My body is much stronger than it ever was. Yea it hurts but pain lets you know you’re alive. No one told me to t6ake vitamins, but I do. No doctor told me to drink Protein shakes, but I do. It would be so easy to sit back, collect disability and watch the wheels go round and round, but that’s not me!

 

Going to College to get a State job (admin somewhere-working with Voc Rehab). Imagine it will be about 20 hours a week but at least it gets me feeling productive and out of the house.

Still going to work out and probably with more vigor than I did before.

Couple of concerts this y6ear out of state looking forward to. A wedding out of state, and of course sweet Roxy!!

 

Am I getting back to where I was, back on the road I chose? Of course age and the disability have thrown up huge walls but mind of matter will propel me over.

Jimi Hendrix and The Big Wheel

Now wouldn’t that be a Polaroid moment if Jimi was here. Jimi speeding down a slight hill on a plastic trike type that sits 6 inches from the ground and about 24″ long. Huge plastic wheel on the front about 16″ around and two whhels on the back on each side about 5″ around. Mean ass bike.

Pedals running circles each side of the ‘big wheel’) so fast if Jimi stuck a leg in it would be chopped clean off.

But damn Jimi was righteous. Spreading his legs to one side so as not to break a leg, Peavy in his lap, headband so tight it’s leaving impressions on his head, All alo9ng the Watchtower.

I was doing some cleaning in my room and had a ceramic Jimi on my desk. Bought him at a Hippie type store in Augusta, cool store.  It was Jimi knneling down with outstrethed hands praying to his guitar he just set on fire., ya know that famous scene he had at the Monteray Pop Festival in 1967. Cool piece.It was an incense burner.

Jimi broke off the guitar and that wasn’t bad so I had a ceramic guitar and a ceramic Jimi.

But alas I dropped Jimi while cleaning and could almost feel burning in my eyes as boths his hands were amputated and the teeth were chipped. See ya Jimi.

Big Wheels. You were the man if you had one during the ,70’s. Still get ‘em today, thinking about putting one in my room. My Dads buddies used to hang out in front of the house drinking beer and egging me on. Bozo and Digger O’Dell mostly. Don’t know why tey were called that just knew thats what my dad called ‘em and t6hat was cool with me. I really felt like one of the guys, they really made me feel part. Bozo was in the FD with my Dad so always went to fires and meetings with them and Digger owned the towns only funeral home so with my Dad being Cheif of Police I saw him lots.

We lived on this hill, not a big one. Probaly a 35% grade on 35 feet of asphalt. Youi could really get your speed up if you were on a bike, a skateboard or a BIG WHEEL! Took the ride aboput 4 times a day.

There was this dive down the bottom of the hill. Dad called it the ‘greasy spoon ‘ out of fun. Just a hole in the wall where you could get a pizza or play pinball or bumper pool. They would get pissed at me cause I would I would take my ride and then go in andd ask them for a drink of water. I would also get the water but not without an earful of very colorful language.

So took a ride down there one Saturday afternoon and the place had some newbies there. I may have only been 8 years old but I knew who was there at what time all day. Gawd I’m not stupid.

No clue who they were but they swore lots and you could smell the leather outside the door. Guess they thought it was kinda quaint seeing an 8 year old in a dive like this. Before I knew it they bought me a pizza and we played like 5 games of bumper pool. Found out later it was Dr.Hook. They were playing that night at the ACC and they just flew in. Figured they would stop.

Shoveled the pizza down and took off. No clue who Dr.Hook was and really didn’t care much then. A couple years later I figured it out. Wonder if he remembers?

Thought I was a real bad ass, real tough. Parked my Big Wheel in a line of motorcycles. Figured I would stroll up a street on the left(main) and see whats up with my sister. She was wotking at this place that vwas a combop quik stop deal and a hardware store. Youi could go in there and pick up a lb of ten penny and have a mean ass italian in one stop. I went in their lots because my sister worked with a sexy ass lady! She thought I was cute and I ate in all up. Heard she is a crazy ass bitch now.

There was like a ‘celebrity’ gonna be there today. He had just finished writing what seemed like a 500 page horror novel and people were starting to bat an eye. It was Stephen King and he had just finished The Stand. I remember he was real young, real dark, looked mean and friendly, smelled good too. Kinda reminded me of some of the pictures I would see when colleges would send schedule etc. Beatniks.

He had a stack of that 500 page thing and he would autograph it if you bought the book. Can’t remember what the book cost but shit didn’t matter much cause I was just 8.

Had to have his autograph but didn’t know why. Just knew someone kind of important was around and I needed to be a part. Had a clue so off I went.

There was the town library just up tyhe road about 1/4 mile and I was in there a lot checking on Hardy Boys books so they didn;t pay me much attention when I walked in. I went directly to the Hardy Boys part which happened to be way down in back . The place where you check out books was on the left up front so you couldn’t see me. I felt like the Godfather or those plastic army guys Bozo bought for me once,

Hunkered up against the shelve as close as I could get.Sqiunting to the left and then to the right again. Swiftly and almost like it was second nature I grabbed a book and shoved it down my pants. “Mystery of The Hidden Caverns”

Wonder what happened to that book? Wonder what it would be worth now with his signiture.

Can we call it a loan?

Early here in Maine, I should be in bed. But my bed is too short and its kinda cold here, lets make a deal. Thats the real reason I’m up at 4:30 in the am.You are a friend aren’t you, can we call it a loan? Please?

I want to borrow your legs. I will treat them real good I promise!! Better than they have ever been treated.Return them in real good shape, better shape than when you loaned them to me. Can we call it a loan? Please?

A year , a 1/2 year a 1/4 year, a month, a week, a day.an hour. hell even a few minutes, you make the call.

I miss ‘em. You have treated ‘em bad over the years.Forgotten what they mean to you. Can we call it a loan? I’ll borrow yours, let you rest in mine. You need the rest? Please?

I miss the things you take advantage of, the things that aren’t important to you anymore. I want to play basketball again. I want to walk the roads of Maine again. Mark ‘em out in the hot sun before I paint the lines. I can remember that so well.
Walking for miles,sweat streaming off me in the middle of summer. Gasping for air.Complaining about how tired I was. Can we call it a loan? Please?

Taking a stroll in December a bottle of Port wine in my coat(my b-day is in December) Maybe stop off in the park, sit on a bench. Cold.Frigid. Thinking about what I did wrong that year and what I need to accomplish the next. Nose starting to freeze,starting to run,but I don’t care. I’m healthy. Got my legs back. Can we call it a loan? Please?
I’ll return them in better shape than than you left’em, promise. I’ll even sign a contract. Nothin’but a thing. Doing legs and abs today at the Gym like I do every Friday. I’m pressing 260 lbs at 20 reps, start out out at 180 lbs at 45 reps and move up till I hit that 260 mark. Do leg extensions starting at 25 lbs at 25 reps till I end at 110 at 10 reps. Bike for 2 miles, plus a bunch other exercises. Pretty strong here, but maybe not strong enough. Can we call it a loan? Please?

You won’t say it, won’t admit it, but you know I’m right no matter what someone tells you to say or what your heart says. My cane defines me. I don’t want to be defined that way anymore. Whats the first thing you see when I walk in a room, My cane. I don’t want your help,although I may need it. Offer me help and I will refuse it. Here, allow me to HOLD that door for YOU!Can we call it a loan? Please?

I feel the eyes burn into my back, don’t deny it, I feel ‘em. And when you are not looking at me , trying to convey pity,I’m looking at me thinking about my next move. Three more steps to the bathroom, wall on the left so I can steady myself, cane in right hand. It took you two minutes to walk what took me 20 minutes,tired of this .beat down. Can we call it a loan? Please?

My determination cannot be matched! My focus is unsurpassed! I may be 44 but have the strength of an 18 year old! Very intelligent! Knowledgeable! Been places few have ever been and will never go! Give it all to you friend for your legs one year,one week, one day, damn one hour. You make the call.Can we call it a loan? Please? I beg you.

$20

Today’s writing prompt, as asked by Maine Publishers and Writing Alliance, is a creative one, inspired by the rough economy.  List the top ten things you would buy with your last $20.
 

It was hard for me at first to think 0f 10 things I would buy. The question to me was almost incomplete, unanswerable as is. Last $2o untill next payday? You have $20 left and you know your life is about to end? You have to spend $20  before the end of the world?

Took into account the glass half full attitude that I am so proud of especially in light of my disability and reasoned.

Last $20 untill payday? Nope. Kinda puts a negative spin on life huh? Makes you think your life is in decline and not a lot of hope to crawl u to the top right now.Well actually feel like that right now but I know myself, I’ve lived ‘me’ for 44 years. I’ll climb out. I’ll be on top. I’ll never live paycheck to paycheck.

 

You have to spend $20  before the end of the world? The only sensible thing really would be to keep it or throw it away really. No way you could do something to help someone, everyone would be dead. Couldn’t help yourself cause you would be dead. Yeah you could do something like fold it into a paper airplane($20)  or something you perceive to be symbolic but for who?

 

You have $20 left and you know your life is about to end, how would you spend it. Hmmmmmmm, the world will still be here . Relatives will still be here, friends. Means I lived a good life. The question makes me picture an older me. Gray in goatee, still very focused. Staring, peering almost scaring the receivers of such a look. Long hair spotted with gray as well. White Bandana. Round glasses. Looks tired, drained. Guitar accross my knee. reaching into the tye dye T-shirt pocket for my one hits. Packing the bowl while I listened …..and learned………

Now that I picture that its like Tommy Chong with hints of Dave Letterman.

….and now the Top Ten things you would buy if you have $20 left and you know your life is about to end:

10) A tank of gas so my son(s) can apply to a few more colleges. Its not the colleges they have applied to by any means, just their are so many options-explore!

9) A used baseball glove and ball. Don’t care if its a first baseman mitt, catcher mitt, whatever. Just want some leather on my hand . Wanna  be able to feel the ball smack my skin when my boys play toss with Dad. Never played ball with my youngest two and they graduate, will be gone.

An old OLD am radio that plays nothing but” When a man loves a woman” by the one and only Percy Sledge. Just want my daughter and me to waltz untill the breath leaves my lungs. No one around.Just me and her and the radio. When she was 1 year old and I was in the USAF in Alabama, it was just me and her home. Percy Sledge came over the radio and I picked her up from her crib and waltzed the tune. Specail. The disability took the legs but it will never NEVER take the heart!

7) Dunkin” Doughnuts rechargeable card for my mom. Seems kinda funny  and wouldn’t she be deceased? Remember who your talking to first, remember who I am. Not to  sound arrogant but remember she has to be twice the person I am, after all I came from her. No one like my mom and no one ever will be. Deceased? Don’t be surprised if she outlives us all. Workin’ full time taking care of two disabled guys in wheelchairs and one with a cane. God Bless Moms!

6) A porcelin doll. Old , looking antique. Maybe I’ll get it and drag it on the ground first. My mom loves antiques and Dolls. She has a room dedicated to nothing but dolls. It was my brothers and mine growing up so its a big room.hmmmm…..wondering if she just needed to fill that room when  brother and me took off. Maybe she doesn’t like dolls as much as I thought. Doesn’t matter cause I can see my mom smiling, happiness for a second…thats what matters.

5.) Hand written apology to my wife. Covers all and so true. Apology for what I don’t know. Apology for my disability? Kinda hard to apologize for something I have no control over, but I am trying.  When I conquer this, I will apologize it took so long.

4.) Film for my Poleroid Instamatic(yea still have one). A flag too. Maybe one of those orange jobbies you see at construction sites.

“I live in a van by the river” No van but next to the river.Kennebec and I could throw a rock to Swan Island, least I could when I was younger. Saw an eagle the other day , flew into my yard snagged a squirrel and flew up that huge oak and chowed down. Beautiful. Sunsets here are amazing. Orange, yellow,red…special.

You would swear when the sun goes down in the summer you can hear the hiss of the sun as it cools itself, lower and lower. Take these pics plus more, the bears, the foxes, the deer. Bury ‘em and plant the flag…enjoy!

3.) Think they are called ‘Snuggie’s’. You know that robe type deal that you put on so you don’t use to much heat furnace wise. My Dad , and m0st disabled people with a walking /balance disorder, has trouble with doors. When he lets the dog out to go to the bathroom he leaves the door open while he’s waiting. No matter if its below zero or in the single digits. And by the time night rolls around he is in his underwear with nothing but a towel over his lap! God it gets cold. I worry about him but you have to let him figure it out himself.

I walk with a cane so my feet are on the floor, friggin’ cold hardwood . Doesn’t bother people in wheelchairs because their feet are off the floor.

But he’s always sucking down OJ and water during the winter. Cold is gonna kill him.

2.)  Sit in the stands at my high school and see how many homeruns my oldest can pop out. Just one more time.

1.) The most recent Jackson Browne CD

Speaks for itself.

Speed Bumps

Seemed like there was always a begger tugging at my sleeve when I was younger. Not so much asking for a handout although they knew they would never go away empty. It was almost like a warning or an urging to get my ass in gear, take control again. Warning me I will be left behind. Like Bob Segar tells us”….never worried about the pain or even how much I owed.Guess I was truly “…breaking all the rules that would bend.”

Was making fair money. Not real good but what we needed and then some. The begger kept tugging but I ignored him. Its not broken why fix it. Should have sat up, tweak it some.

Average between 50,00-65,000 a year. Not bad but not great. Even keel. I was a salesman so sometimes comission was outstanding, sometimes it sucked. But vit all came out in the wash. Went to work everday and came home every night. Things were cool.

I had the world by the short and curlys. Maybe (and they did) some had it better, but I was alright. Yeah I moved a lot, but always in the same town. Always on the search for something better. I didn’t want, my kids didn’t want, thought my ex didn’t want,loved by all.

I looked around and that begger tugging at my sleeve was beginning to age, grow tired. He worked his ass off. Never took a vacation. Did the best for everyone else but I ignored him.

But he still tugged, he still pushed, he was always there. Pissed off when I brushed him off but always there.

Then the begger ’s beard turned gray, patches under his eyes,no more smile. The tugging was gone. Now it was a slash mark accross his throat. The end.

So quick, so decisive. Still in a cloud of smoke. Had no clue it was coming, wish the begger was here now.

That was then. Young, handsome, secure, happy, MORE THAN ABLE BODIED.

Then the surgeon said its there, has been forever just hiding. DAMMITT!!!!..and it all came down…..

No more Air Force,no more wife, no more construction, no sales….

Hung on for a while but compare disability to torture. Think of it, really the same thing. A slow PAINFUL experience inching closer and closer to the inevitable. Nothing you can do.

I have been trying to turn the corner for a while but the begger is not there to steer me, to guide me. Wondering where to now. Speed bumps really slowing me up.

Lots on my table right now. Court case to withdraw child support. Project Graduation(whats up?) New neurosurgeon tomorrow(always looking for more) DOT job(no work in 1 1/2 years)focus on writing(freelance), guitar lessons. Full boat.

But I’m tired. Beat. Up and down.

Hmmmmmmm wondering if I should just take a seat in a wheelchair, give up trying to correct, collect, and wait for the man.

Went to a bar the other nite, go to same place every saturday cause I like the bartender…she is freakin’ cute!!!!! But she hears me, I hear her and thats what matters. She has had insomnia for years, since she was 12 she’s like in her mid 30’s now. Been to therapists, been to all sorts of doctors, sleep studies, drugs.She gets about 4 hours of sleep per day.Damn……thats since she was 12 and she works about 45 hours a week. Single mom. Holding shit together./ But she is smiling, sparkling.

Frustrated. Is there anything else? She worries me. People I care for worry me when they are stuck. She is just in a frost heave below the speed bump. Slow down, glide thru it. hmmmmmmm maybe I’m that begger tugging at her sleeve,

I want to be your begger. Coming full circle.

Stop this crazy thing

A day like this in Maine, winter-cold-ice-freezing rain-cold, causes me to sit back and think about where we have been ,where we are now and where we are going.

Seems their has been quite a few of these days in a row, always something on my mind-a story line, a thought, a new tune. Its like my mind has been going 200 mph, nonstop. Like it.

People say I am a tried and true people person. From the younger years to today, love to see people smile. Guess you could say it gets me off. And when people smile because of something I did, and I know this….my heart actually leaps in my chest, my eyes get moist and a smile escapes from my lips.

I have been searching for this feeling for a long time. Yes it comes but not nearly as often. For example maybe in my 20’s or 30’s a this feeling was an everday thing 0r at least 3-4 times a week. Now I’m lucky if that feeling occurs 1x a month. Hard nowadays being a people person.

Why? I really don’t believe its my shortcomings. I try and see as many people as I can daily, but it is very hard to get out in Maine in the Winter in Maine. I like to go to my favorite bar and buy someone a drink, not to hit on them or anything. They may be lonely, they need a smile. If I travel anyplace that requires use of the turnpike I try and have at least double the amount of tolls it will take me to get to and from where I’m going. This way I can pay the way of the person in back of me. I don’t know him/her but hopefully I made them smile. And whenevee I pull up to the toll booth the attendant smiles. I made two people smile.

I do many things like this. Not to hit on anybody, not to make anyone nervous, but to bring back the contentment, the happiness that we all once knew 20 years ago. I honestly believe this country now lives in fear, insecurity…time to take it back.

Billy Graham’s Prayer For Our Nation
‘Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, ‘Woe to those who call evil good,’ but that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values. We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery. We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare. We have killed our unborn and called it choice. We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable. We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem. We have abused power and called it politics. We have coveted our neighbor’s possessions and called it ambition. We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression. We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment. Search us, Oh God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and Set us free. Amen!’
Commentator Paul Harvey aired this prayer on his radio program, ‘The Rest of the Story,’ and received a larger response to this program than any other he has ever aired. With the Lord’s help, may this prayer sweep over our nation and wholeheartedly become our desire so that we again can be called ‘One nation under God.’

I’m not a religous person so to speak. I went to a Baptist church for many years while I was married but I guess you could say it never took. Guess you could say I went for the wrong reasons. Went for my wife, my kids, my in-laws, appearence….but not for myself.

Pastor Graham said a pryer which has been on my mind for a long time. Time for us to get back the respect we once had. Accountability. Stability.

Do you feel stable? Probably  not, the media has made sure we are on edge at all times. I wonder sometimes where they get their information. Simply put us all on alert. Its like we don’t control our own destiny, the media controls it. The Economy controls it. Business controls it. And then it filters down from the media to our caregivers to our young. Education is reacting to what we hear, not trying to remedy what is wrong.

Great spirits have always faced violent opposition from mediocre minds. But people are afraid to express themselves in fear of opposition. Opposition causes us to put our thoughts, ideas in order and allows us to prepare them for introduction. Seems though we are more worried about our ideas being “behind the times”. Maybe its high time we brought those ideas, thoughts forward.

My mother would say”…..back in the 60’s we were all poor sbut no-one paid much attention to it because everyone was in the same boat”

Wasn’t unusual to go next door and borrow some sugar. Maybe shovel their driveway. Maybe mow their lawn. They will do it for us. Now try that in todays society. You could be staring at a lawsuit. Maybe you live next door to a crack house. Maybe you’ll be staring down a barrel of a 12 gauge cause the hubby thinks you want to do his wife. Please…sick of this garbage.

Where are the smiles? Where are the people just working their asses off and being satisfied with what they have? Oh they bare still there but they are working MUCH harder due to the Entertainment industry,supposed trends,technology,music,movies, and of course the writings of so many ’self made gurus’ of technology.

Did we have CD’s in the 60’s? Did we have the computers we have today?Did we gto to the movies a couple times a week?Wii’s? Playstations?….psst, we survived without them.

We desparately need to get back to the attitudes of yesteryear. Get down to the heart of the matter

As George Jetson used to say:

“JANE…..STOP THIS CRAZY THING!!!”

Loneliness and clique`s

A normative clique or reference group is often the primary source of social interaction for the members of the clique, which can affect the values and beliefs of an individual. The comparative clique or reference group is a standard of comparison in which a clique can exist in the workplace, in a community, in the classroom, in a business, or any other area of social interaction. Cliques tend to form within the boundaries of a larger group where opportunities to interact are great.^[2] Cliques are often associated with children and teenagers in a classroom setting. Schools are a prime place where peer network exist and can easily be accentuated through the differentiation of various cliques, and through the processes of inclusion and exclusion that characterize a clique.^[3]

Loneliness is a feeling where people experience a powerful surge of emptiness and solitude. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Someone lonely may find it hard to form human contact.

mmmmmm…pretty similiar really. I’m wondering if they are the same words.

I have one problem with Wikipedias definition of cliques:

“Cliques are often associated with children and teenagers in a classroom setting.”

I submit that it occurs even at a more alarming rate OUTSIDE of the classroom , covering a large area of ages. Perhaps even more so in the 40 plus age brackett.

Not sure if I’m right? Pretty sure I am but test it yourself. Go to a league nite at your club, happy hour at the local pub, attendance in a chatroom. See it yet?

See the guy that just walked in ,. You with a few of your friends. How many of those people got up and bothered themselves by extending their hand? How many people said Good day to the newbie in the chatroom? What about that guy sitting at the bar alone? You buy him a drink?

I have seen this a million times and pretty sure I will see it more.

I’ve been in chat for approximately 8-10 years and I have yet to find a room WITHOUT a clique.

Initially I attempted to get in the clique, wanting to belong. Hell I even went to a few chat parties-and that was after building a relationship with many of the members. I have come to the conclusion unless your so and so’s cousin or something or live in pretty good proximety, it takes a herculean effort to scratch that itch.

Why? Thats a very obscure question. There are many reasons, so many a reasons 3-4 page blog might not touch the surface. Wrong hair color, wrong teeth color(lol), holes in the Jeans, ripped T-shirt or my personal favorite HE WALKS WITH A CANE!!! Meaning what? Not normal? Is retarded? Slow?

Tell me…I really want to know? Why? Is their a real reason? Ignore that pre-adolescent bullshit and come clean! Do you really know what your missing? Ask yourself who really is the one hurtin’?

Thier is not a person IN THE WORLD who doesn’t have an ‘obstacle’ they have to overcome on a daily basis, some more visible than others.

Maybe your think your ass is to big. Maybe you cramp up in cold weather. Maybe that new denture creme isn’t holding. Maybe your gassy, who knows and who cares? Are you afraid that someone elses obstacle may rub off on you? Is your self-esteem really that low?

…and then comes the cane.That is the first and only thing people see when I enter the room. People see nothing else and don’t want to see nothing else(kinda like that SGT. SHULTZ guy on Hogan’s Hero’s) I could walk in there with the largest smile,Armani suits, Gucci shoes,ripped to shreds from the gym and the only thing ANYONE sees is the cane. At that point its a done deal.

What makes people so scared, so insecure. I have no idea. I have come very close to giving up, but thats not in my charactor.

I will be there.I will be in your face. Let ‘em in.

Another year older

“Another year older and deeper in debt…”I wonder if Merle Travis was thinking of the year 2008 when he wrote those words for Tennesee Ernie Ford to wail out. Im not into country music at all but any type of music I hear I remember. Sometimes people don’t say what they want to, can’t get the words out, but when they put it too music sometimes the feeling is overwhelming.

Music has been so important to me over the years. I’m taken back almost daily by the whispering voices of Bob Dylan, Joan Baez, Carly, Bob Segar, Rod Stewart, oh damn…on and on with Jonathan Edwards etc.(listening to Jackson Browne right now)so many stories, so many relationships, so many memories.

Back in 2004 I bought myself a six string steel string. No clue how to play(and still don’t really) but I could see myself sitting around the campfire, sitting in the park….just playing tunes. bringing people together.

When I’m challenged, 9 times out of 10 I rise above and beyond the challenge and I have challenged myself. You will see me i9n the park plucking my ass off. I will be around the campfire banging some Grateful Dead out. Its gonna happen, time is on my side.

Is that what is called a resolution? I hear of so many promises people make to themselves and watch them turn into broken promises in a few months.

Every year on December 31st I make sure I’m at Planet Fitness to watch the show. Its funny to watch. Today they had three people behind the desk and each had a line of 3-4 deep. (usually they have one person behind) Every machine in the place was filled with sometimes 2-3 people waiting. Fitness clubs are a great place to go on December 31st if your single!…lol

90% of the ‘newbies’ made a resolution. They will hang around for a while but starting next week numbers will drop, steady off in March and pick up slightly for the spring/summer. Broken promises…geesh.

So lets see:

1) Learn accoustic

2) Play catch with my two boys at Graduation. Never played catch with them but damn they make their Dad so proud and I think they are proud of their Dad

3) Waltz with my daughter. When she was a year old we were in Alabama (USAF) and my wife was at work while I had the day off. It was something like Percy Sledge Day.(He was from Alabama and wrote “when a man loves a woman”). I cranked the stereo and pickerd up my daughter and we waltzed to that tune. Priceless.

4) Purchase a trike. Been wanting to ride for yeares and years, always had an eye out. Well, probably gonna cost me but dammit I’m getting older and I want to travel some. See folks in Florida,Idaho, Texas

4) Much more research on Ataxia. Thats my number 1 resolution. Always has been and always will be. I’ll take more vitamins, work harder at the Gym,new meds, new doctors, a quest I don’t really need to make a resolution for,its a part of my life now and we have to play the cards we’re dealt

5) M0re and more concerts!

6) Get out more…re-connect with friends!

The country as a whole has had it rough, we have all been shoved. But I feel I’m starting to rise.

We can all make accusations about what this new Administration will do, not much there. Democrats, Republicans, Liberals, Conseravatives-does it really matter?

Stick to your resolutions, pray for our country….things WILL get better if you do these things

These things will make me happy therefore they are mine and will occur

Happy New Year Everyone!

See some old friends, good for the soul

Bob Segar hit the nail on the head  he when he sang that line in Hollywood nights. Side one first track of Stranger in Town-1978-debut album.

Friendships have become so vital in our existence.crucial, but yet we ignore them, cast them away. Time to give them the attention they and we all strive for.

Look at the media and how they attempt to pull at our heartstrings. Do we hear them? Do we hear the message they are trying to convey?

Bob is by far not   the only songwriter who has dived into the friends arena.

“He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother”-The Hollies,”I’ll Stand by You”-The Pretenders with lead by the incomperable Chrissy Hynds,and of course “Lean on Me’-Bill Withers

But wait, those are songs. I could go on for pages but the point has been had . Friendship IS a part of everday musical talent.-Jackson Browne, The Rembrandts, James Taylor…

The quotes we have lived with and will always be a part of our lives. The Ralph Waldo Emerson’s,Yeats,Robert Louis Stevenson, Aristotle.

Friends are an intergral part of everday existence. Time we paid it its due respect.

Friends have become extremely important to me, almost vital. I don’t get out much in the winter (disability) so kind of keep to myself but their is not a day that goes by, damn even an hour, that my mind is not wandering to my friends.

I was real depressed,feeling real down on myself in January of this year. Worked and worked and worked more with my disability. I was walking the stairs, I was tugging the totes, I was running call centers, I was doing it!

But it all came crashing down. Jobs in Maine not to plentiful, contacts were drying up.

Regretfully I had to do something I could see coming but was not ready for it now. I had to stop beating myself up,I had to give in and apply for disability.

I was not the happiest camper around. I had to stop working. I had to swallow my pride. I had divorced my wife earlier. I was alone. I was not a fun guy to be around. I spent hours upon hours just looking out my window. tears streaming down.

Then it happened. Friends.FRIENDS!!

I got on a website called classmates , something like that, or found an old friend who lives in Cali now,she is a photographer now. Always thought she was wicked hot but thats beside the point.

I should say that our class was very small(41 I believe) and I was class president from 8th grade to our Senior year minus one year, sophmore I think.

So anyways this girl and I got talking and we exchanged numbers and what not(she is in a serious relationship so get your mind out of the gutter!) and the next night her and another classmate called me up and we started talking reunion.

RIGHTEOUS!!! My heart actually lept!!! 25 years none of us have really seen each other. Oh I’m sure thier were times we would pass by each other and say hey, but remenber its a small class so those times were few and far between.

It was REAL hard for me. I almost didn’t go. Its very difficult for anybody(say what you want to make yourself feel better but its  true), its a very hard thing for anybody to accept a person with a disability. Yes the cane defines me. Ask yourself what is the first thing you see when Scott walks in the room.We’ll talk about that later.

So here I was, everybody kinda counted on me cause I wasn’t working. I was the guy in High School who was the jock, the druggie, the intellectual, the heart breaker, all rolled into one. Thats how they remember me, and now I have to put my disabled ass out there and pray I’m accepted!

Spent a few nights staring out the window, wondering if I  could withstand what could happen. Accept or no?

Well I bit the bullet pretty hard I must say. I was always told you have to take risks. You have to step out of your comfort zone if you ever want to enlarge what you have.

We had people coming from Fl.,CA., UT., NH. M0st as excited as me…and  just as scared. I found people living within 20 miles of me. As a matter of fact, I spend a good amoount of time at a friends house just hangin’ out, laughing.

Started out as a major thing, its been 25 years. Ended up just hangin’ at a local pub till closing,party after, cruise and dinner/party the next day. Oh the alcohol!!!

I could very easily go 0n and on. Their has not been a day since June 2008 I have not thought of my friends. 75% were their and already making plans for the 3oth!

But there is one lesson I will never forget, a lesson that needs to be held tight. A memory which will never fade.

That first night in the Pub I spotted a friend from Texas. We were real close in HS. As a matter of fact he portrayed Paul Stanley when we dressed up like Kiss for a Gong show in 8th grade( I was Gene Simmons and our asses were gonged!)

I was really apprehensive about seeing him. Anyone for that matter. He saw me, grabbed me, I bet we stood on that floor and hugged for 1/2 hour.” This is the Scott I know”

Slow down some guys open up. Friends are out there, Guaranteed your world will get much brighter. See the Sunshine?