See some old friends, good for the soul

Bob Segar hit the nail on the head  he when he sang that line in Hollywood nights. Side one first track of Stranger in Town-1978-debut album.

Friendships have become so vital in our existence.crucial, but yet we ignore them, cast them away. Time to give them the attention they and we all strive for.

Look at the media and how they attempt to pull at our heartstrings. Do we hear them? Do we hear the message they are trying to convey?

Bob is by far not   the only songwriter who has dived into the friends arena.

“He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother”-The Hollies,”I’ll Stand by You”-The Pretenders with lead by the incomperable Chrissy Hynds,and of course “Lean on Me’-Bill Withers

But wait, those are songs. I could go on for pages but the point has been had . Friendship IS a part of everday musical talent.-Jackson Browne, The Rembrandts, James Taylor…

The quotes we have lived with and will always be a part of our lives. The Ralph Waldo Emerson’s,Yeats,Robert Louis Stevenson, Aristotle.

Friends are an intergral part of everday existence. Time we paid it its due respect.

Friends have become extremely important to me, almost vital. I don’t get out much in the winter (disability) so kind of keep to myself but their is not a day that goes by, damn even an hour, that my mind is not wandering to my friends.

I was real depressed,feeling real down on myself in January of this year. Worked and worked and worked more with my disability. I was walking the stairs, I was tugging the totes, I was running call centers, I was doing it!

But it all came crashing down. Jobs in Maine not to plentiful, contacts were drying up.

Regretfully I had to do something I could see coming but was not ready for it now. I had to stop beating myself up,I had to give in and apply for disability.

I was not the happiest camper around. I had to stop working. I had to swallow my pride. I had divorced my wife earlier. I was alone. I was not a fun guy to be around. I spent hours upon hours just looking out my window. tears streaming down.

Then it happened. Friends.FRIENDS!!

I got on a website called classmates , something like that, or found an old friend who lives in Cali now,she is a photographer now. Always thought she was wicked hot but thats beside the point.

I should say that our class was very small(41 I believe) and I was class president from 8th grade to our Senior year minus one year, sophmore I think.

So anyways this girl and I got talking and we exchanged numbers and what not(she is in a serious relationship so get your mind out of the gutter!) and the next night her and another classmate called me up and we started talking reunion.

RIGHTEOUS!!! My heart actually lept!!! 25 years none of us have really seen each other. Oh I’m sure thier were times we would pass by each other and say hey, but remenber its a small class so those times were few and far between.

It was REAL hard for me. I almost didn’t go. Its very difficult for anybody(say what you want to make yourself feel better but its  true), its a very hard thing for anybody to accept a person with a disability. Yes the cane defines me. Ask yourself what is the first thing you see when Scott walks in the room.We’ll talk about that later.

So here I was, everybody kinda counted on me cause I wasn’t working. I was the guy in High School who was the jock, the druggie, the intellectual, the heart breaker, all rolled into one. Thats how they remember me, and now I have to put my disabled ass out there and pray I’m accepted!

Spent a few nights staring out the window, wondering if I  could withstand what could happen. Accept or no?

Well I bit the bullet pretty hard I must say. I was always told you have to take risks. You have to step out of your comfort zone if you ever want to enlarge what you have.

We had people coming from Fl.,CA., UT., NH. M0st as excited as me…and  just as scared. I found people living within 20 miles of me. As a matter of fact, I spend a good amoount of time at a friends house just hangin’ out, laughing.

Started out as a major thing, its been 25 years. Ended up just hangin’ at a local pub till closing,party after, cruise and dinner/party the next day. Oh the alcohol!!!

I could very easily go 0n and on. Their has not been a day since June 2008 I have not thought of my friends. 75% were their and already making plans for the 3oth!

But there is one lesson I will never forget, a lesson that needs to be held tight. A memory which will never fade.

That first night in the Pub I spotted a friend from Texas. We were real close in HS. As a matter of fact he portrayed Paul Stanley when we dressed up like Kiss for a Gong show in 8th grade( I was Gene Simmons and our asses were gonged!)

I was really apprehensive about seeing him. Anyone for that matter. He saw me, grabbed me, I bet we stood on that floor and hugged for 1/2 hour.” This is the Scott I know”

Slow down some guys open up. Friends are out there, Guaranteed your world will get much brighter. See the Sunshine?

God Bless America, God Damn America

Which is it? I haven’t a clue. People give different answers depending

on where they are in life. I’m kinda caught between that quintessential

rock and a hard place.

 

From the years 1964 to 2001 I would say God Bless America. Everything

was RIGHTOUS!!! In great health, made fairly good money, all the friends

I wanted and more, all cool. I even enlisted in the USAF in 1988,

became a veteran after fighting in one of the Bush boys bullshit(Gulf

War). Married a beautiful woman in 1983. Had 4 of the most gorgeous

kids ever! Yep,life was good.

 Then it came crashing down. What made it fall? One word which has been

on my mind since 2000 and still is today. That word is Ataxia or

Spinocellor Degeneration.

The VA won’t recognize what I did for my country because the disability

is not service related. Divorced in 2001 because of my disability and

what my ex saw as ” a never ending spiral of needs and wants I cannot

handle.” (Till death do us part-I seem to remember that from someplace.

Figured that would be a pretty important factor after 19 YEARS!!! Guess

not)

Two oldest kids live to far away for me to visit a lot.

18 year old lives with my ex and he gets too busy to spend time with

Dad.

I do see my 17 year old and thats cool. He comes down and spends time

with his Dad because he usually hangs in town at his GF’s. Pretty cool.

 

Can’t work anymore , disability saw to that, so living on this meagher

monthly check SSDI sends, guess it makes them feel good. Helping the

disabled.So my income has dropped about $30,000 a year. Nice.

 

So tell me, if this was you would you Bless America or Damn America?

 

I’m always looking for that ‘fountain of youth’, that miracle. But I’m

getting older,pressed for time, waiting for technology to come thru.

 

Maybe I will be the next Jon Lester(Red Sox pitcher who beat cancer-no

hitter-RIGHTOUS)Mike Lowell(Red Sox 3rd baseman who beat cancer and

became WS MVP) Christopher Reeves(God rest his soul-Superman), or

Lance Armstrong(8 time Tour De Force winner-kicked cancers ass)

In the meantime I’ll just sit back and smile.I’ll be there someday.

Watch and see.

Oh by the way God Bless America!!

Can we call it a loan?

Early here in Maine, I should be in bed. But my bed is too short and

its kinda cold here, lets make a deal. Thats the real reason I’m up at

4:30 in the am.You are a friend aren’t you, can we call it a loan?

Please?

 

I want to borrow your legs. I will treat them real good I promise!!

Better than they have ever been treated.Return them in real good shape,

better shape than when you loaned them to me. Can we call it a loan?

Please?

 

A year , a 1/2 year a 1/4 year, a month, a week, a day.an hour. hell

even a few minutes, you make the call.

 

I miss ‘em. You have treated ‘em bad over the years.Forgotten what they

mean to you. Can we call it a loan? I’ll borrow yours, let you rest in

mine. You need the rest? Please?

 

I miss the things you take advantage of, the things that aren’t

important to you anymore. I want to play basketball again. I want to

walk the roads of Maine again. Mark ‘em out in the hot sun before I

paint the lines. I can remember that so well. Sweat streaming off me,

gasping for air, complaining about how tired I was. Can we call it a

loan? Please?

 

Taking a stroll in December a bottle of Port wine in my coat(my b-day

is in December) Maybe stop off in the park, sit on a bench.

Cold.Frigid. Thinking about what I did wrong that year and what I need

to accomplish the next. Nose starting to freeze,starting to run,but I

don’t care. I’m healthy. Got my legs back. Can we call it a loan?

Please?
I’ll return them in better shape than than you left’em, promise. I’ll

even sign a contract. Nothin’but a thing. Doing legs and abs today at

the Gym like I do every Friday. I’m pressing 260 lbs at 20 reps, start

out out at 180 lbs at 45 reps and move up till I hit that 260 mark. Do

leg extensions starting at 25 lbs at 25 reps till I end at 110 at 10

reps. Bike for 2 miles, plus a bunch other exercises. Pretty strong

here, but maybe not strong enough. Can we call it a loan? Please?

 

You won’t say it, won’t admit it, but you know I’m right no matter what

someone tells you to say or what your heart says. My cane defines me. I

don’t want to be defined that way anymore. Whats the first thing you

see when I walk in a room, My cane. I don’t want your help,although I

may need it. Offer me help and I will refuse it. Here, allow me to HOLD

that door for YOU!Can we call it a loan? Please?

 

I feel the eyes burn into my back, don’t deny it, I feel ‘em. And when

you are not looking at me , trying to convey pity,I’m looking at me

thinking about my next move. Three more steps to the bathroom, wall on

the left so I can steady myself, cane in right hand. It took you two

minutes to walk what took me 20 minutes,tired of this .Beat down. Can

we call it a loan? Please?

 

My determination cannot be matched! My focus is unsurpassed! I may be

44 but have the strength of an 18 year old! Very intelligent!

 

Knowledgeable! Been places few have ever been and will never go! Give

it all to you friend for your legs one year,one week, one day, damn one

hour. You make the call.Can we call it a loan? Please? I beg you.

To legalize or not, that is the question

The question arises year after year, been  forever it seems. Marijuana is important to me and quite a few people.

But we have to hide behind walls, buy Visine. extra cologne, why?

Back in the 60’s words would flow through my head, smiles existed on faces,ideas about our future, goals were formed and worked towards, stress was relieved, is any of that bad?

Its not as if people who indulge are drug addicts or ’stoners’, (hate that term) although in honesty some are. But ask yourself are these the people who also do meth, coke, heroin? Who cannot go a day or even an hour without a high?(been two weeks here). What about the ones who actually need it? Medical use?

Issues which have been pushed under the rug way too long!!!! Time to address the issue in a professional manner!

I understand why it isn’t legal country wide. I know places in CA where you can walk into a store and point to piles of ganja, and get like so many grams of Colombo, so many grams of commercial, just show your prescription, pay your bill and walk away. Simple. Right idea but I surmise wrong methods.

When I have marijuana I smoke maybe three one hitters a day. To the layman thats about 1/2 a joint. Just enough to know its there, enough to put me on edge. Then when its gone, I usually wait a few weeks or months before I get more to keep myself honest.

Regretfully I’m disabled(walk with a cane)so it takes a large amount of effort just for me to move around. Really no physical pain in my lower body but pain does exist in my head. My brain tells my legs to do this or that and it doesn’t happen.I can feel the eyes burn into me when I’m in public places.

So marijuana takes the mind pain away, I don’t feel the eyes and yes it seems its much easier to move. Focus on the event in front of me and enables me to block everything else out.

No meth, no crack, coke, heroin, just me and marijuana.

I work out a lot and have seen massive improvements in my body structure and I believe 90% of that is due to marijuana. I feel much more in control of my actions, my words, my thoughts, feelings…and its all due to marijuana.

Let me pose a question to you, lets assume you have to make a 50 mile journey somewhere as an emergency. The trip must be made, no questions asked, but the tranny in your car just fell out. Now there are two people (friends) in front of you who will assist. One has been drinking, 6 pack down. The other just smoked a joint. Who would you trust? No need to answer it’s pretty obvious huh?

Yeah there are some people that claim marijuana is a ‘gateway’ drug, leads to other drugs. That may be true I cannot say it isn’t. I for one never indulge even in aspirin!  I took “cid” once (Acid), coke once, but that was 30 years ago!

Funny story, I’ll share. My parents went to Florida during the winter back in the 70’s and I was feeling like crap, a real outcast. So I took a 1/4 hit of purple microdot (Acid) and put in in my eye, supposed to drain quickly to your brain that way.

I live on about 1 acre of land and its pretty hilly, big yard. Well its winter in Maine mind you so everything is covered in with a good amount of snow. So I couldn’t help but imagine if the sun suddenly came out and melted everything within minutes, it would flood big time!

So I went to the kitchen and fixed me a big lunch and went into my shed and got down our Old Town canoe, put it in the living room, ate my sandwhiches, turned on the T.V. and my sister found me there the next morning asleep! First ans last time I tripped.

Well anyway, why not legalize for medicinal purposes? Control would not be in the hands of the dealer on the corner but in the hand of your PC. He or she can determine whether or not its needed for your condition and could perscribe the correct amount.

Get stopped by the cops? Show them the prescription and the bottle the perscription is on. Simple. The PC decides how much your dose is,how much to perscribe and when, simple.

Its High time (pun intended) we addressed this issue head on. No more of this political rhetoric. I, like others are sick and tired of being treated like criminals because we need marijauna for medicinal purposes.

We live in an era now where changes are sure to occur in our socail and economic status therefore stress is at an all time high. I believe the 60’s are coming back and are right around the corner.

As Bob Dylan sang”…..these times they are a changin”

Chatrooms…to be or not to be

The term chat room, or chatroom, is primarily used by mass media to

describe any form of synchronous conferencing, occasionally even

asynchronous conferencing. The term can thus mean any technology

ranging from real-time online chat over instant messaging and online

forums to fully immersive graphical social environments as defined by

Winkipedia.

I have been on the web or in chatrooms for approximately 8-10 years so

chatrooms are an everyday thing for me. A relief so to speak, time

away, a chance to put your own thoughts/ideas in a public forum and get

others reactions perhaps adding stregnth to your own opinions or giving

you more to think about, more to add.

So chatrooms can provide a great service to many. As you all know I am

disabled, walk with a cane therefore chatrooms provide me with access

to people close by. ALL people react differently to disabled people,

people will say it doesn’t matter but believe me it does!!! Its almost

like racism or a form of discrinination but I digress. I will write on

that some other time. Therefore chatrooms takes that attitude away(mine

and yours) I can’t see you and you can’see me. Lets chat some.

But things have occurred over the years which have become much more

prevalent as of late with the advent of technology and the importance

of the computer.

Lets first look at what I term and many others for that matter term

‘keyboard warriors.’Yep, you know them, years ago you may find 1 or 2

in a room-not a huge issue, no its not uncommon to find 15-20 and the

numbers are increasing.

Keyboard warriors are individuals who think they are”Gods” of a room.

If your opinion does not match theirs, you will get booted. If you

disagree with someone elses opinion(friend of the keyboard warrior) you

will get booted. Even if your name is spelled wrong you will get

booted. I go into a room sometimes and say Hi to all, and if the

keybard warrior doesn’t have sugar for his coffee or whatever I will be

booted.

And Lord help us all when keyboard warriors get together-6,7 or more.

They devise plans to boot any and all and take complete control of

rooms…then do the same in other rooms-(kinda sounds like a parasite!)

Reasoning? Actually reasoning paints the picture of agreement between

two or more parties….therefore reasoning is all on the side the

‘keyboard warrior’

Low self-esteem? Maybe the warrior feels real shitty about their

existance so by booting people they feel good about themselves and hope

others see their power.

Life? Do any of them have one…..I wonder. They are not assigned to

wreak havoc,Yahoo,AIM, MSN, or whoever did not hire them. They spend

all day on the web looking for ways to screw someone, to exert

control.hmmmmmmm…shall we dismantle the iggy button…warriors seem

to want to. They have effectively taken iggy completely away.

We are all adults.If we don’t want to hear someone spouting vulgarities

,playing boffensive music etc. we simply iggy….not a big deal, but

these warriors feel they need to boot whoever thus escalating the

situation. Maybe send then a virus, maybe screw around with their IP

address, stealing their name, locking down their voice…..I don’ know

how many times I’ve had to reformat my system for simply saying Hi.

..and what does this do?
Absolutely nothing!!! It may cost the ‘bootee’ a headache to reformat.

a few bucks to buy a new disc etc. but all in all it only escalates the

situation. 9 times out of 10 the ‘bootee’ will go to Wal-mart or

Staples and buy a ‘package’ and come back and try and boot you!

hmmmmmmmm…now we have another keyboard warrior!

Chatrooms are very important part of the communication process and are

very important to me and MANY others.These warriors are destroying a

large part of many lives.

Okay I’m off my soapbox…I’ll talk on ‘chatroom cliques’next.

“Its a Wonderful life”

 
I truly believed that for many years. It was almost like a mantra I lived by. But it seems during this time of the year, Christmas, when I see that famous Jimmy Stewart movie, I contemplate my existence, where I’m going, where should I be going, am I doing right? Decision time.

There was this ailment I termed in High School called the D.S. syndrome-named after a girl I knew who would get into trouble whether it be with the cops or her parents or the school or her BF-whatever. Not everday kid trouble like flunking Algebra but stuff like getting busted for possesion, beating the shit out of some chick-she is dead now but she would have been a legend on Bad Girls Club!, so drunk she couldn’t walk EVERY NIGHT, serious shit.

Well anyways I would think a normal person would attempt to right themselves, to dig themselves out-climb back up. She didn’t. She would get in trouble one day and you could guarantee she would be in worse trouble by the end of that month…and then the month after…and the month after….and the beat goes on!(Sonny and Cher-remember that?)
I swore to all that was holy I would never EVER find myself in that situation! I would work and work and dig myself out of any situation and come out on top!!

Thats when you feel you are in complete control of your life, when you feel you can overcome the D.S. sndrome.

That was before Ataxia. Yeah I’ve been fighting and scraping for years now and honestly I still will. But everyday I come closer and closer to where I don’t want to be. I’m not in control.

I’ve been to many doctors, read many reports, watched my brother and fathers life crumble away-is that gonna be me? Is that gonna be my kids?

Doctors will tell tell you the same….”Your bound for a wheelchair, its only a matter of time” or “Their is no cure, their is not much to look forward too”

What should I do? What should we do? Maybe the doctors don’t know they are condenming my entire family and the other 150,000 people in this country who have this terrible disease. (its rare)

Seems to me individuals confined to wheelchairs get a lot of help as opposed to us fighting this.

 
How easy would it be for me to throw in the towel, have a seat and collect disability. Maybe some welfare. Maybe some foodstamps. Maybe a state job. Kinda give up…NOPE!!!

I have asked myself especially in the last few weeks…whats the sense?
Why work out for three days a week?
Why take so many vitamins?
Why drink protein?

Yes its nice to have people come up to me and pat me on the back,smile, tell me what a motivational facter I am…yeah thats cool. I’ve had people sit beside me in the Gym and bleed my brain. How much protein? What exericees do you do for the triceps etc.? What vitamins?

Yeah thats cool, but at the end of the day, the month, the year, I’m the one still hobbling around…wheres mine? Does the situation ever improve? D.S. syndrome?

In the beginning

How sad is it to know that no matter what you do to improve your life, you will only be able to ‘deal’, never  overcome, is a process beyond your grasp. To know that your hands are handcuffed and you are destined to give in. no hope.

Sad, sad,sad.

How did Jon Lester do it? How did Lance Armstrong do it?…is their a secret? The only secret is desire….but when your desire takes four steps back after you have marched it two steps ahead the day before, exasperation is an everday emotion……an almost hourly emotion.

No clue I had this disease. Pretty sure my parents really had no idea either. Father was diagnosed with MS which can easily be confused with Spinal Cerrebullum Degeneration-but MS(as far as I know is not carried on from generation to generation) so they didn’t look.
No symptons here untill about 38,44 now. Played lots of B-ball, lots of soccer, baseball…many very intense physical activities, even a veteran of the Gulf War thru the USAF. Then the world came crashing down…and it came hard

Have had a list of reasons I had to see the doc during my younger years,the usual shit.Sprains, aches, nausea, whatever……but no had a clue. No warning, always a clean bill of health. Healthier than most, where were the USAF professionals, the ER docs, the specailists….where were they?  All ran tests, they all took blood…..no one had a clue.

Why?
Before I go any further let me explain what the disease is:
WebMD-Friedreich’s Ataxia is a genetic, progressive, neurologic movement disorder that typically becomes apparent before adolescence. Initial symptoms may include unsteady posture, frequent falling, and progressive difficulties walking due to an impaired ability to coordinate voluntary movements (ataxia). Affected individuals may also develop abnormalities of certain reflexes; characteristic foot deformities; increasing incoordination of the arms and hands; slurred speech (dysarthria); and rapid, involuntary eye movements (nystagmus). Friedreich’s Ataxia may also be associated with cardiomyopathy, a disease of cardiac muscle that may be characterized by shortness of breath upon exertion (dyspnea), chest pain, and irregularities in heart rhythm (cardiac arrythmias). Some affected individuals may also develop diabetes mellitus, a condition in which there is insufficient secretion of the hormone insulin. Primary symptoms may include abnormally increased thirst and urination (polydipsia and polyuria), weight loss, lack of appetite, fatigue, and blurred vision.

Now this definition is slightly confusing because of the first statement:

“Friedreich’s Ataxia is a genetic, progressive, neurologic movement disorder that typically becomes apparent before adolescence.”

I’m am not saying this statement is wrong…as I stated before the disease really didn’t take affect untill 38 years of age…..again the question, Didn’t anyone have a clue?

“Treatments are generally limited to softening symptoms, not the disease itself. The condition can be irreversible. A person with this disease will usually end up needing to use a wheelchair, and eventually they may need assistance to perform daily(WIKIPEDIA NOVEMBER 17, 2006)

Guess they haven’t met Scott Front

I was told I would be wheelchair bound within days when I went to a Neurosurgeon approximately 8 years ago. This was unacceptable to me so I spend three days a week at the gym(about 2 hours per-working all muscle groups-not just the legs),drink a lot of protein, take vitmins(supplements), smoke some pot and I’m proud to say walk with a cane! Tomorrow I’ll look for something else to try and improve…and the next day and the next day….

Working out? Now I’m not a doctor and I’m not advising you what to do but I will state this : Working out has not only helped me physically all the way around but it does a number of other things as well.
Do I feel stressed? Absolutely not!…one of the most content people you will ever meet And that is crucial!! Remember I live with my handicapped brother(wheelchair for 15 years) and my father(wheelchair-20 years) so stress is so my strength and ability to walk are used everxday. I will lay out my routine at a later time, this is just to let you know benefits I see for me.

Gets me out of the house. Allows me to focus , to think of something else…..to stay in this house day after day and listen to my DAD YELL “SHIT” OR ” Damn”or “asshole ” every few minutes is wicked taxing!!! See he attempts to do WAY to much so an accident is gonna happen. Maybe the plate he just took out the Microwave is too hot, so its been dropped. Mabe he leans over to far in his chair and can’t get up. Maybe he gets stuck in the icy driveway while he tries to shovel(yes it happens).
Its always something or someone elses fault. If he would chill and ask others for help others everything would be cool.

Gives me a social atomsphere there. Everybody knows me and I know everybody else! The manager says it reminds her of that show “Cheers”"….sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name…” I have been going there a minium of three days a week for 3 years and cannot ever picture my life without the Gym! Write more on that later but wanted to give a heads up about how important it is to me.

mmmmmmm..well thats where I am in a nutshell. Wil tell you about the pot and why,will tell you what I was and what I want to be, will talk on baseball, will talk, sex,drugs, and of course ROCK N’ROLL!!!Let the stories commence

Stay tuned….same  bat time same bat channel!