Can we call it a loan?

Early here in Maine, I should be in bed. But my bed is too short and its kinda cold here, lets make a deal. Thats the real reason I’m up at 4:30 in the am.You are a friend aren’t you, can we call it a loan? Please?

I want to borrow your legs. I will treat them real good I promise!! Better than they have ever been treated.Return them in real good shape, better shape than when you loaned them to me. Can we call it a loan? Please?

A year , a 1/2 year a 1/4 year, a month, a week, a day.an hour. hell even a few minutes, you make the call.

I miss ‘em. You have treated ‘em bad over the years.Forgotten what they mean to you. Can we call it a loan? I’ll borrow yours, let you rest in mine. You need the rest? Please?

I miss the things you take advantage of, the things that aren’t important to you anymore. I want to play basketball again. I want to walk the roads of Maine again. Mark ‘em out in the hot sun before I paint the lines. I can remember that so well.
Walking for miles,sweat streaming off me in the middle of summer. Gasping for air.Complaining about how tired I was. Can we call it a loan? Please?

Taking a stroll in December a bottle of Port wine in my coat(my b-day is in December) Maybe stop off in the park, sit on a bench. Cold.Frigid. Thinking about what I did wrong that year and what I need to accomplish the next. Nose starting to freeze,starting to run,but I don’t care. I’m healthy. Got my legs back. Can we call it a loan? Please?
I’ll return them in better shape than than you left’em, promise. I’ll even sign a contract. Nothin’but a thing. Doing legs and abs today at the Gym like I do every Friday. I’m pressing 260 lbs at 20 reps, start out out at 180 lbs at 45 reps and move up till I hit that 260 mark. Do leg extensions starting at 25 lbs at 25 reps till I end at 110 at 10 reps. Bike for 2 miles, plus a bunch other exercises. Pretty strong here, but maybe not strong enough. Can we call it a loan? Please?

You won’t say it, won’t admit it, but you know I’m right no matter what someone tells you to say or what your heart says. My cane defines me. I don’t want to be defined that way anymore. Whats the first thing you see when I walk in a room, My cane. I don’t want your help,although I may need it. Offer me help and I will refuse it. Here, allow me to HOLD that door for YOU!Can we call it a loan? Please?

I feel the eyes burn into my back, don’t deny it, I feel ‘em. And when you are not looking at me , trying to convey pity,I’m looking at me thinking about my next move. Three more steps to the bathroom, wall on the left so I can steady myself, cane in right hand. It took you two minutes to walk what took me 20 minutes,tired of this .beat down. Can we call it a loan? Please?

My determination cannot be matched! My focus is unsurpassed! I may be 44 but have the strength of an 18 year old! Very intelligent! Knowledgeable! Been places few have ever been and will never go! Give it all to you friend for your legs one year,one week, one day, damn one hour. You make the call.Can we call it a loan? Please? I beg you.

$20

Today’s writing prompt, as asked by Maine Publishers and Writing Alliance, is a creative one, inspired by the rough economy.  List the top ten things you would buy with your last $20.
 

It was hard for me at first to think 0f 10 things I would buy. The question to me was almost incomplete, unanswerable as is. Last $2o untill next payday? You have $20 left and you know your life is about to end? You have to spend $20  before the end of the world?

Took into account the glass half full attitude that I am so proud of especially in light of my disability and reasoned.

Last $20 untill payday? Nope. Kinda puts a negative spin on life huh? Makes you think your life is in decline and not a lot of hope to crawl u to the top right now.Well actually feel like that right now but I know myself, I’ve lived ‘me’ for 44 years. I’ll climb out. I’ll be on top. I’ll never live paycheck to paycheck.

 

You have to spend $20  before the end of the world? The only sensible thing really would be to keep it or throw it away really. No way you could do something to help someone, everyone would be dead. Couldn’t help yourself cause you would be dead. Yeah you could do something like fold it into a paper airplane($20)  or something you perceive to be symbolic but for who?

 

You have $20 left and you know your life is about to end, how would you spend it. Hmmmmmmm, the world will still be here . Relatives will still be here, friends. Means I lived a good life. The question makes me picture an older me. Gray in goatee, still very focused. Staring, peering almost scaring the receivers of such a look. Long hair spotted with gray as well. White Bandana. Round glasses. Looks tired, drained. Guitar accross my knee. reaching into the tye dye T-shirt pocket for my one hits. Packing the bowl while I listened …..and learned………

Now that I picture that its like Tommy Chong with hints of Dave Letterman.

….and now the Top Ten things you would buy if you have $20 left and you know your life is about to end:

10) A tank of gas so my son(s) can apply to a few more colleges. Its not the colleges they have applied to by any means, just their are so many options-explore!

9) A used baseball glove and ball. Don’t care if its a first baseman mitt, catcher mitt, whatever. Just want some leather on my hand . Wanna  be able to feel the ball smack my skin when my boys play toss with Dad. Never played ball with my youngest two and they graduate, will be gone.

An old OLD am radio that plays nothing but” When a man loves a woman” by the one and only Percy Sledge. Just want my daughter and me to waltz untill the breath leaves my lungs. No one around.Just me and her and the radio. When she was 1 year old and I was in the USAF in Alabama, it was just me and her home. Percy Sledge came over the radio and I picked her up from her crib and waltzed the tune. Specail. The disability took the legs but it will never NEVER take the heart!

7) Dunkin” Doughnuts rechargeable card for my mom. Seems kinda funny  and wouldn’t she be deceased? Remember who your talking to first, remember who I am. Not to  sound arrogant but remember she has to be twice the person I am, after all I came from her. No one like my mom and no one ever will be. Deceased? Don’t be surprised if she outlives us all. Workin’ full time taking care of two disabled guys in wheelchairs and one with a cane. God Bless Moms!

6) A porcelin doll. Old , looking antique. Maybe I’ll get it and drag it on the ground first. My mom loves antiques and Dolls. She has a room dedicated to nothing but dolls. It was my brothers and mine growing up so its a big room.hmmmm…..wondering if she just needed to fill that room when  brother and me took off. Maybe she doesn’t like dolls as much as I thought. Doesn’t matter cause I can see my mom smiling, happiness for a second…thats what matters.

5.) Hand written apology to my wife. Covers all and so true. Apology for what I don’t know. Apology for my disability? Kinda hard to apologize for something I have no control over, but I am trying.  When I conquer this, I will apologize it took so long.

4.) Film for my Poleroid Instamatic(yea still have one). A flag too. Maybe one of those orange jobbies you see at construction sites.

“I live in a van by the river” No van but next to the river.Kennebec and I could throw a rock to Swan Island, least I could when I was younger. Saw an eagle the other day , flew into my yard snagged a squirrel and flew up that huge oak and chowed down. Beautiful. Sunsets here are amazing. Orange, yellow,red…special.

You would swear when the sun goes down in the summer you can hear the hiss of the sun as it cools itself, lower and lower. Take these pics plus more, the bears, the foxes, the deer. Bury ‘em and plant the flag…enjoy!

3.) Think they are called ‘Snuggie’s’. You know that robe type deal that you put on so you don’t use to much heat furnace wise. My Dad , and m0st disabled people with a walking /balance disorder, has trouble with doors. When he lets the dog out to go to the bathroom he leaves the door open while he’s waiting. No matter if its below zero or in the single digits. And by the time night rolls around he is in his underwear with nothing but a towel over his lap! God it gets cold. I worry about him but you have to let him figure it out himself.

I walk with a cane so my feet are on the floor, friggin’ cold hardwood . Doesn’t bother people in wheelchairs because their feet are off the floor.

But he’s always sucking down OJ and water during the winter. Cold is gonna kill him.

2.)  Sit in the stands at my high school and see how many homeruns my oldest can pop out. Just one more time.

1.) The most recent Jackson Browne CD

Speaks for itself.