Scottfront’s Blog

My life dealing with Spinal Cerrelbellum Degeneration or Ataxia

Can we call it a loan?

Early here in Maine, I should be in bed. But my bed is too short and its kinda cold here, lets make a deal. Thats the real reason I’m up at 4:30 in the am.You are a friend aren’t you, can we call it a loan? Please?

I want to borrow your legs. I will treat them real good I promise!! Better than they have ever been treated.Return them in real good shape, better shape than when you loaned them to me. Can we call it a loan? Please?

A year , a 1/2 year a 1/4 year, a month, a week, a day.an hour. hell even a few minutes, you make the call.

I miss ‘em. You have treated ‘em bad over the years.Forgotten what they mean to you. Can we call it a loan? I’ll borrow yours, let you rest in mine. You need the rest? Please?

I miss the things you take advantage of, the things that aren’t important to you anymore. I want to play basketball again. I want to walk the roads of Maine again. Mark ‘em out in the hot sun before I paint the lines. I can remember that so well.
Walking for miles,sweat streaming off me in the middle of summer. Gasping for air.Complaining about how tired I was. Can we call it a loan? Please?

Taking a stroll in December a bottle of Port wine in my coat(my b-day is in December) Maybe stop off in the park, sit on a bench. Cold.Frigid. Thinking about what I did wrong that year and what I need to accomplish the next. Nose starting to freeze,starting to run,but I don’t care. I’m healthy. Got my legs back. Can we call it a loan? Please?
I’ll return them in better shape than than you left’em, promise. I’ll even sign a contract. Nothin’but a thing. Doing legs and abs today at the Gym like I do every Friday. I’m pressing 260 lbs at 20 reps, start out out at 180 lbs at 45 reps and move up till I hit that 260 mark. Do leg extensions starting at 25 lbs at 25 reps till I end at 110 at 10 reps. Bike for 2 miles, plus a bunch other exercises. Pretty strong here, but maybe not strong enough. Can we call it a loan? Please?

You won’t say it, won’t admit it, but you know I’m right no matter what someone tells you to say or what your heart says. My cane defines me. I don’t want to be defined that way anymore. Whats the first thing you see when I walk in a room, My cane. I don’t want your help,although I may need it. Offer me help and I will refuse it. Here, allow me to HOLD that door for YOU!Can we call it a loan? Please?

I feel the eyes burn into my back, don’t deny it, I feel ‘em. And when you are not looking at me , trying to convey pity,I’m looking at me thinking about my next move. Three more steps to the bathroom, wall on the left so I can steady myself, cane in right hand. It took you two minutes to walk what took me 20 minutes,tired of this .beat down. Can we call it a loan? Please?

My determination cannot be matched! My focus is unsurpassed! I may be 44 but have the strength of an 18 year old! Very intelligent! Knowledgeable! Been places few have ever been and will never go! Give it all to you friend for your legs one year,one week, one day, damn one hour. You make the call.Can we call it a loan? Please? I beg you.

January 27, 2009 - Posted by scottfront | Uncategorized | | No Comments Yet

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